Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Russian Orthodox Activists Call Finnish Circus' "Grotesque Acrobatics" a Threat to National Security


According to the Moscow Times, officials in the northern Russian city of Syktyvkar have called on an emergency meeting to discuss a Finnish circus performance (or play, whatever) Globally Wanted!
The republic's Public Chamber called an emergency meeting after the letter was received, but failed to decide whether the play should be canceled or not, KomiNews reported.
This was after Russian Orthodox activists demanded the play be canceled because it will for sure pervert the youth and turn them all into circus performers with naughty predilections: you know... they would yearn to lick each other's faces, pole dance, become those kind of girls who spread their legs at overly moustached bald men, do lesbian type kisses and perform crazy wheelchair tricks.


Not my cup of tea. Not offensive... just sort of boring. To each their own, I guess. Anyway, the protesters aren't bored by it at all. Maybe they like it too much? It's hard to say.
The play by Finnish troupe Circus Uusi Maailma is called “Globally Wanted” and is described on the theater's website as a “grotesque” acrobatic and dance performance that includes spanking, hanging and kissing.
The play itself has apparently won a bunch of awards in perverse countries like Sweden, Germany, the UK and, of course, Finland - source of all that is corrupt.
Keeping the play from being staged in the regional capital Syktyvkar is a question of national security, according to a letter sent by the St. Stephen of Perm Republican Orthodox Pedagogical Society to the republic's Public Chamber.
Or just offend religious sensibilities. As I'm pretty sure that this play will do little more than tantalise a few people. A similar thing happened in Russia recently concerning a production of a Wagner opera in Moscow. An Orthodox cleric who didn't even watch it complained and things happened resulting in the opera house manager getting himself fired. God works in mysterious ways.

Montreal would make these activists' heads implode.

(Image source)

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

More Unorthodox Cake Crushing Revelations


Things have been really hectic here. I was even thinking of scaling back my posting frequency because life's been so damned busy - then I realized that that's already happened sort of organically.

Usually, when things get critical, I'm reduced to very short posts about the most unusual or fantastic stuff I run into on the web. Well, this is not exception. Prepare yourself for tabloid quality fare.

Remember that the cake fetishist Greek Orthodox priest who had an affair with his Twinkie crushing (with her bum) - who was married, and not his wife? Well, it turns out that not only were they into some kinky cake crushing, but he also asked her to have an abortion. Or so she claims.
Ethel Bouzalas told Bishop Andonios Paropoulos, the chancellor of the Greek Orthodox church in the United States, that her lover wanted her to get an abortion, according to an interview with the bishop in The National Herald, a Greek-American daily.

But Andonios said Father George Passias denied he made the abortion request and said he wasn’t sure if the unborn child was his.

Abortion is against the teachings of the Greek Orthodox Church.
Listen, there was absolutely no baby-making here! Only good wholesome thong-wearing cake smothering between to married but not with each other consenting adults. Nothing to see here! Move on!

(Image source)

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

Free Streaming of New Documentary About Christianity's Obsession with Sex & Purity

Not a scene from the movie, but I found it strangely fitting.
Have you ever noticed that the more fundamentalist and conservative the Christians, the more obsessed they appear to be about sex? It seems to range from remaining chaste before marriage to marrying Jesus and remaining chaste for the rest of their lives. It seems like sex is a really big deal for Christians.

No Sex Please, We're Purity Nuts.

So, there's a really interesting movie that's going to be available for free streaming over at Vimeo, tomorrow: Give Me Sex Jesus (@GiveMeSexJesus).
Give Me Sex Jesus tells six personal stories of struggle from within the Evangelical community to remain sexually pure until marriage. But what happens when our bodies and desires do not behave?

A handsome couple saves their first kiss for the altar; a gay son comes out to his famous family; a transgender man searches for authenticity; and a feminist confronts double standards. While the control of desire is universal, the salvation of these people depends upon it.

Since the 1990s, the Purity Movement has been at the center of a national conversation about sexuality that extends from the pew into the Oval Office. Give Me Sex Jesus invites you into the pleasure, shame, and humor at the intersection of faith and sex in America.
It's is a production of Side Hug Films and is produced and directed by Matt Barber and produced and written by Brittany Machado (@BrittLynnMach). It comes as a result of a successful Kickstarter campaign launched in 2012 and completed in 2014. (This last point answers my own question about why the movie is being released for free.)

According to the press kit, the film will contain taped interviews from a wide array of people - both pro sexual purity and con.
Interviewees include Dr. Richard Ross (founder of the Purity Movement, True Love Waits), Stephanie Drury (Stuff Christian Culture Likes), Chris Bright (grandson of founder, Campus Crusade for Christ), and Dr. Amy DeRogatis (author, Saving Sex). Personal stories include a couple who saved their first kiss for the altar; a gay son who came out to his famous family; a transgender man who searched for authenticity; a feminist who confronts sexual double standards; and more.
You can watch the trailer below.


Give Me Sex Jesus - 2015 TRAILER from Matt Barber on Vimeo.

The film's website even features a supportive from atheist blogger, Hemant Mehta:
They’re not pushing an agenda that says Christians are right or wrong. They’re only interested in telling the stories of people who grew up with these rules around them and explaining where this sex-negativity (my term, not theirs) comes from.
I found another short clip from the film on Vimeo which explores how purity has racial baggage in the United States due to its history of racial segregation and minority persecution.


Give Me Sex Jesus: The Impure History of Purity from Matt Barber on Vimeo.

Looks real interesting! So apparently if you go to the site, you can watch the movie tomorrow starting 6pm PST, for free.

(Image source)

Monday, 14 September 2015

Beaverton: Wynne's New Sex Curriculum Contains Too Much Orgy & Satanism Homework


So the current premier Kathleen Wynne of Ontario, who happens to be lesbian (just like millions of other people), decided that the province's sex education curriculum needed an overhaul. If memory serves, it hadn't had any changes since 1998 - over 15 years ago. Do you remember what people were saying about gay people and transgender folks back then? I do. An overhaul was necessary.

Anyway, some parents are going nuts over the new curriculum. You can read all about this over at Canadian Atheist, they've been doing a great job of covering it. Unsurprisingly, it seems to be mostly conservative religious sorts who have problems with an updated program which acknowledges same-sex marriages and texting.

I have little more to add to these other than to point out this clever little post over at The Beaverton - a satirical Canadian news blog: Ontario middle schooler can't believe he has so much orgy and Satanism homework.
The homework, as mandated by Premier Kathleen Wynne, promises to teach children about gender identity, the dangers of sexting, and avoiding abusive relationships. However, its main focus is on how to properly worship the Prince of Darkness and the best ways to host and participate in an orgy.

“How the heck am I supposed to know how many points a pentagram has?” complained Donaldson, looking over his demonic summoning assignment. “Wait… ‘penta’? Five! Just like how there are five hands in a penta-fisting!”
With the way you hear websites like LifeSiteNews scream about the program, you'd think the Beaverton article is true. It isn't though. The program as described by LifeSiteNews sounds just fine and I would have no problem sending my own kid through it.

Go check out the short article. It's worth it for a chuckle.

(Image source)

Sunday, 16 August 2015

Catholic Priest: Gay Sex Is Like Sticking a Bagel Into Your Ear!

Real bagels are Montreal bagels - not like those boring ear totally fake New York bagels.
Listen up! If you're gay, then Catholic priest John Riccardo wants to teach you about gay sex - because he knows all about it! He has this great analogy for you, which ought keep you chaste... just like him... and probably also frustrated.

Here's the best part! It's a food analogy about bagels!
The cleric told the attendees how he often explains gay sex to junior high students, the Advocate reports.

He said he tells them: "What if I just rip open a bagel, I take it, and I cram it in my ear. What would you say?”
 Do you want to go there? You might be surprised.
He added that when they respond “That doesn’t go there,” he says, “Exactly" and that doing so “will ruin your ear canal.”
Wow! Nice one, John! I know I feel the urge sometimes to stick an oven baked sour cream and bacon potato up my nose. All this time, I thought that so long as I did it in bed - just the two of us... no threesomes with steak or chicken - ALSO with proper precautions, it was okay with God - but I was wrong! It just doesn't go there.  Thanks for clearing that one up.

I'm guessing he felt too icky just telling the boys what he apparently meant. I mean, they have by now probably discovered what their penises are and how they work. I'd wager the girls in the room - if there were any - also at least had a pretty good idea what penises are. I'm guessing they could have even cleared up a few obvious misunderstandings Mr. Riccardo may have. He seems a little confused or something.

As usual, there seems to be precious little guidance for lesbians in this room. These religious types just never think of them having sex outside of the baby making, I guess.

So for them, let's say the bagel is actually correctly going into the mouth but the bagel is actually made of silicone and is pink or maybe violet? Perhaps it takes 2 AA batteries and vibrates? Help me out here, Father!
[Fortunate Families] member Tom Nelson said from a protest outside the controversial event: “It’s medieval times all over again. ... If God created people gay, then gay sex seems to be a natural thing.”
He's just coming to that realization now? Tom, the Catholic Church is more medieval (and secretly fabulous) than a renaissance fair.

Mr. Nelson is totally right about gay sex being perfectly natural though. There sure does seem to be rather a lot of unnatural about priest chastity and attitudes towards sex within the Catholic Church, though. Plenty of illegal child rape problems too.

Yes, his bagel analogy is really rather bizarre and unnatural. Utterly ridiculous, actually. It would be completely hilarious if it weren't probably fucking up young religious LGBT students - potentially for life.

(Image source)

Monday, 20 July 2015

BREAKING: Another Turkish Islamic Scholar Clarifies His Stand On 'Advanced Oral Sex'


I've already brought you important information about how licking someone else's (and perhaps your own) genitalia - oral sex in extra dimensions - is definitely not okay in Islam according to respected Islamic scholar Ali Riza Demircan.

Well, Muslim televangelist, Ahmet Mahmut Ünlü, has entered into this important debate. It's a matter of national security! For the love of God, blowjobs are on the line here!
Do not invent a lie on behalf of Allah,” said Ahmet Mahmut Ünlü, popularly known as “Cübbeli Ahmet Hoca” (Robed Ahmet Hoca) among his followers, during his latest televised sermon.
Those are pretty strong words against someone who is apparently a very eminent theologian - who I'm guessing is either not getting his penis sucked or else is horribly (or delightfully) guilty when it is occurring.

The pro-blowjob televangelist lays out his reasoning.
Contradicting Demircan, Ünlü said the Quran does not stipulate such a ban. “Brothers, let’s speak frankly: [Islam’s] Shafi’i sect allows this act, as it considers human semen a clean substance. On the other hand, the Hanafi sect considers semen as dirty, but adds that a dress can be cleaned by simply rubbing the semen off when it dries.”
Ain't nothing wrong with a little cum in your mouth, apparently. Also, if it happens to get onto the young lady's dress it can be flaked off when it dries out. I'm so happy he's not shy to really explore this issue on television for all Turkish couples to consider. These guys apparently know all about this stuff.

Ahmet Mahmut Ünlü is standing up to protect blowjobs.
I did notice something, though. The above reasoning only seems to apply to penises in mouths, and I'm pretty sure that men sucking men is probably not okay for the good preacher. Islam has problems with male homosexual sex acts in general and I'd be surprised if he was okay with two dudes in the act - besides, in Turkey, they couldn't get married first.

By similar reasoning, this doesn't apply to woman on woman action either. I'm uncertain where either scholar would stand on this, but it's interesting how it doesn't seem to really ever fall onto the radar.

What about considerate husbands who wish to perform the noble act of cunninglingus within the holy confines of matrimony? Well, the above reasoning doesn't really seem to consider that either.

He only really seems to be considering women blowing men. Coincidentally, he's a man. Why do the women always get stuck with the short end of the stick?

At this point, I am thoroughly hot and bothered waiting, with bated breath, for the next Turkish Islamic expert to weigh in on whether Turks are allowed to party like it's 1969.

(Image source)

Sunday, 12 July 2015

Turkish TV Interviewer LOLs When Theologian Forbids 'Oral Sex In Advanced Dimensions'


In Turkey, when secular bloggers need a good laugh, they turn on their televisions to hear the latest sex advice from theologians - who are all very keen to share tips on what will get you off without sending you to Hell. A few weeks ago, we heard about the theologian who warned us all that masturbation would make your hands full of babies.

Well, just today, some more fine sex advice came from renowned Turkish theologian  Ali Riza Demircan, who kindly reminded us all that butt sex and BDSM would get you thrown into the everlasting fires of hell. Thanks, Ali, we already knew that.

Demircan wasn't done with just that though. He wanted to make it very clear that licking and sucking your beloved's naughty bits was also expressly forbidden! In fact, he felt the need to tell everyone that no matter how much of a cunninglingus god you are, you're still damned for eternity.

This caused his interviewer, seasoned television personality Pelin Cift to completely lose it.
But already trying not to laugh, she could no longer restrain herself when Demircan went on to declare in the same monotone that “oral sex in advanced dimensions” between couples was also “haram.”

Cift collapsed into laughter with her hand pressed to her face, much to the astonishment of Demircan who said: “Pelin, sister, you had been talking so comfortably. But now you can’t even ask a question!”
You probably don't understand Turkish, but I recommend watching it just because Cift tries valiantly to keep it together but ultimately loses it.


What's sort of shocking is that these old theologians don't seem to think twice about how ridiculous it is to sit there are tell people what they can do in bed together. For a group that has a problem with sadism, they all seem to have no problem whatsoever with using the theology of their religion to be tops with everyone else being bottoms.
The baffled Islam expert asked the presenter: “What’s your problem with me?”

By now almost unable to speak for laughing, Cift, one of Turkey’s best known presenters, asked the theologian: “What’s your problem, my dear hoca!” using an Islamic term of respect for a teacher.

The incident from the show called the “Other Agenda” went viral on social media, with one Twitter user posting a picture of himself in a locked iron mask to protect himself, he said, from “advanced oral sex.”
Beware of advanced oral sex.

Thursday, 4 June 2015

Michael Coren Hosting Radio Discussion of Duggars, Ontario Sex Ed & Public Prayer

Michael Coren (source)
Previous Sun News Network host of the Arena, Michael Coren, will be hosting a discussion this evening on News Talk 610 in St. Catharines on topics which I think we all might be interested in:

Not in St Catherines? You can listen online at their website or download apps there to listen on the go (remember you might pay data plan charges!). I downloaded an app for my Android phone and we'll see.

I'll be frank and admit that I've often really disagreed with Coren while listening to him on his old Arena program. So much so that I triggered the following Twitter exchange.
Coren graciously accepted my apology and provided me with this article outlining his views on the sex ed curriculum which I have yet to read.

I'll admit that I still have a hard time re-adjusting my views in such a short time. Maybe it's because I've become hardened with my old age. I'll listen in to the show and try to keep an open mind.

Still, he did always invite Justin Trottier to his show to defend secularism -- at least the secularism I know and love. So I suppose I may need to actually try to take a nuanced approach and try to understand his views on a per issue basis. So much harder!

Actually, I recently found myself agreeing with Coren when it came to James Lunney, so maybe this is part of a broader shift.

Why can't things just be in black and white like the simple good old days?

Saturday, 23 May 2015

Rabbi Selling Kosher Sex Toys to Orthodox Couples


I've already written about the first Islam-approved sex shop -- where self-pleasuring of any kind is not allowed. There are also plenty of Christian-approved sex toy online stores out there -- no pictures of naked people allowed! So it's only a matter of time before we would find an Israeli sextoy selling rabbi, Natan Alexander, catering to married Orthodox Jewish couples -- are there any other kind?
Despite numerous religious restrictions on intimacy—including, for one subset of ultra-Orthodox called Ger Hasidic, a ban on kissing each other’s bodies or intercourse after midnight—most sex toys are kosher. The shopping experience usually isn’t. Stores that carry such products often have posters or packaging featuring scantily clad models, and the websites can be even more risqué. Alexander saw an opportunity, and last year he started an online sex toy marketplace that God would approve of. You won’t find any racy images or vulgar language on his website, Better2gether. He personally approves each product the store sells to make sure the package and contents are free of anything that may be offensive to the Orthodox eye. The name of the site and its listings promote spousal intimacy, because, as Alexander puts it, “It’s not about my orgasm. It's about our orgasm.”
In fact, in some cases, Alexander has been asked by ultra-Orthodox women, who grew up in secular families, to become a sort of sex therapist and clue hubby into how to properly do the deed.
Alexander, a boyish-looking 34-year-old, says ultra-Orthodox women who grew up secular often come to him hoping he’ll encourage their husbands to go the extra distance between the sheets, to do things they were accustomed to before becoming religious.
What I found illuminating about this story is just how much cloistered and controlling religion can stunt one's sexual development.
But gaining acceptance within the ultra-Orthodox community will be a challenge. From childhood, boys and girls are separated, and sex is a topic rarely addressed by parents or teachers. They spend their days studying Jewish texts, focusing little, if at all, on sexual intimacy. That leaves them uninformed in matters of sex into adulthood, and they resort to books or rabbis for advice. “You’re talking about people who not only have absolutely no personal experience with someone of the opposite sex, but no source of a precedent in their heads,” says David Ribner, a certified sex therapist, ordained rabbi, and co-author of The Newlywed Guide to Physical Intimacy. “They don’t read novels; they don’t go to the movies; they don’t listen to the radio; they don’t watch TV. So how are they supposed to know what to do when they get into bed? How do you know what parts go in where, what to do with your legs—not to mention their sexual organs?”

Naomi Marmon Grumet, founder of the Eden Center, a nonprofit organization in Jerusalem addressing Jewish women’s issues, says she’s encountered several cases in which an ultra-Orthodox couple sought fertility treatments after years of marriage. In those instances, gynecologists found that the women appeared to still be virgins. The couples were instructed by their rabbis to “sleep together,” without giving further details. “When you go to an extreme on modesty, and therefore you don’t talk about it, you send extremely unhealthy messages, which are repressive and cause shame and guilt,” says Grumet. “We don’t have to use euphemisms, and just as we talk about other things openly, we can address this in a way that is respectful to” Jewish law, she says. The growing ultra-Orthodox population indicates a technical ability to procreate, but enjoying it is another matter, Grumet says.
That's absolutely tragic -- how extreme religious life can subvert what's seemingly the most natural and essential human urge.

Sales on his online web store, Better2gether, are modest but growing. His primary challenge is a culture that is often fiercely against any sexual material and that is intensely cloistered from outside culture.
Unlike with Amazon.com or EBay, Better2gether’s most effective outreach to religious conservatives isn’t an ad on Google or a television commercial. Ultra-Orthodox Jews rarely access the Internet, and when they do, they often employ Web filters to limit the kinds of content that will be shown. The goal is to minimize the chance of unintentionally seeing arousing images or anything else that might be considered sacrilegious. The odds are good that a sex toy shop, even a kosher one, will get flagged.
So he's had to go door to door and use word of mouth. You keep doing what you're doing, Rabbi Alexander! You're pretty awesome in my books.

I guess any  of these sex shops work for atheists. It's just so hard to find the time to shop between all the orgies, virgin sacrifices and baby eating.

Friday, 8 May 2015

Fallout After Malaysian Sex Blogger Releases 'Cover Version' of Muslim Call to Prayer

Alvin Tan (source)
If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you might remember the Malaysian sex blogging duo Alvivi which was made up of Alvin Tan and Vivian Lee. They had a Youtube channel about sex topics which was pretty naughty by Malaysian standards and apparently even released a sex tape online. This got them into some trouble.

However, what really got them into big time trouble in Islamic majority Malaysia -- where they do things like ban Halloween -- was posting this.


That would be them eating a pork dish at Ramadan with the halal sign on the bottom left. This is definitely inflammatory.

Sadly, Malaysia has some blasphemy laws on the books and they enforce them too. They both ended up in jail for awhile, but were released while waiting for trial. They were facing significant fines and up to five years in jail. However, they were granted permission to go to Singapore to shoot a documentary. Vivian returned to Malaysia, while Alvin escaped to the US where he's now seeking Asylum in California.

While in California, he released this video, which has apparently received quite a few views in its various incarnations on Youtube.


It's his own R&B version of the Muslim Call to Prayer. Reaction to it seems pretty negative, as you might expect. Alvin has every right to make videos like this without threat of legal action against him. If people have problems with this, they can complain and maybe make videos back at him criticizing him.

Like the pork incident, the messaging may seem so strong to some as to perhaps drown out any sort of meaning. These attempts at ridicule may be over the top for many, but I am hesitant to jump onto any sort of Tan-bashing-bandwagon. You might say the same thing about Egyptian women's rights activist Aliaa Magda Elmahdy and her graphic protest against ISIS -- she bled menstrual blood onto an ISIL flag while her comrade took a dump on said flag while giving the finger. Different messages for different people.

That said, I assure you that the message itself is actually much more coherent than the above display. Here's one of his responses from an interview with The Malaysian Insider.
TMI: Your rebuke appears to be targeted at the government and Muslims, can you explain why this is so?

Tan: The reason I target Muslims is that they do not seem to understand the concept of separation of church and state. They seem to want to legislate every single religious principle or rule into the law book, and they seem to be especially blind to the distinction between immorality and illegality. In any country with such a situation, Islam is really a political idea, not merely personal faith.

If they insist on applying Islam in politics and governance, they should also know that criticism to Islam would be inevitable and part and parcel of political discourse. They can no longer say it is something sacred and untouchable and impervious to flak, because Islam is now used as a basis to govern other people's lives.

This is, in fact, the basis of my political asylum claim. My satirical attempts at ridiculing Muslims is an expression of my political disapproval of Muslims and Islam. Given how pervasive the influence of Islam is in our government institutions, ridiculing Muslims is tantamount to, say, ridiculing conservatives or socialists. It is the same thing.

The American courts know it. Even my San Francisco asylum officer in his independent assessment agrees that my Ramadan pork photograph was political satire, nothing more.

Sunday, 3 May 2015

New Apps to Keep 'Sexually Frustrated' Muslim Youth From Abandoning Islam for Extremist Groups & Atheism

(source)
I've been so busy with work and home life lately that I've felt a little muzzled. Not muzzled like Saudi Arabia atheist muzzled, but silenced by lack of time. So please bear with me as I post a bunch of older stuff.

I don't often post about the United Arab Emirates (UAE). I do know that things aren't quite as bad there as in their neighbour, Saudi Arabia, when it comes to womens rights -- not that that is much to aspire to. This is where Saudi women driving activist Loujain Hathloul got her license before she drove over the border and promptly got arrested by Saudi police.

Still, interesting things are afoot in the UAE. Recently, they had a Haqqathon which is a gathering of app developers and part of a much broader initiative by The Forum for Promoting Peace in Muslim Societies. This appears to be a large conference with the goal of promoting peace in Muslim societies.
The Forum for Promoting Peace in Muslim Societies, in partnership with the US-based startup incubator Affinis Labs, held the first-ever Haqqathon ("haqq" means "truth" in Arabic), a 3-day hackathon from April 27-29 that brought together experts in technology, youth culture, entertainment, Islamic scholarship, and other disciplines to create cutting-edge solutions for promoting peace.

Participants at the Haqqathon worked on new social media and digital initiatives that will help Islamic scholars connect with Muslim youth. Teams competed in a fast-paced race against the clock and pitched their ideas in front of judges, a live audience, and a global online audience that watched a live streaming broadcast. The winning teams received prizes and support for incubation at Affinis Labs.
I'm all for conferences promoting peace, but I found the initiative to get Islamic scholars to connect with youth, kind of humorous for some reason. Perhaps it's my secular Quebec outlook. Or maybe it was the primary problem they were trying to address.
Mohsin Khan, an English teacher from Britain whose group was creating a website dedicated to answering Muslims’ questions on sex, sexuality and relationships, said: “If scholars want to be relevant they need to meet the youth where they are, and they’re on digital platforms.

“If you look at one of the major searches online for Muslim youth, sex and sexuality tops searches on praying, fasting and the basic tenets of Islam.”

Mr Khan said seven of the top 10 countries for online pornography searches had majority-Muslim populations, so it was clearly a relevant topic.
Wonder why that could be. Hopefully, the advice given by these scholars isn't anything like the sex tips from these clerics in Malaysia or this one in Iran.
Mr Khan said sexual frustration was undeniably one of the reasons for disenfranchised youth being susceptible to the messages coming from extremist groups.
Extremist and ... atheists! 
“We need platforms which not only offer bite-sized clips but also interaction so the user can remained engaged,” he said.

Such apps would not only help to battle the misleading messages of violent groups such as ISIL, but also counter a rise in atheism within Muslim communities, Mr Mahmoud said.
Call it my cynical Quebecois Canadian side talking again, but I just don't think 60 second sound bites from Muslim scholars will compete against what's out there in the Internet -- unless you live in a country which heavily censors it.

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Muslim Cleric: 'Marital Rape Doesn't Exist'

 Not even on a camel. (source)
A couple of weeks ago, I posted an entertaining video about Iranian "Authority on Islam" Hossein DehnaviSex Tips From An Ayatollah. In said video, Dehnavi pointed out that wives must put out for their husbands always -- even when you're on a camel together.

Well, Malaysian Muslim cleric Perak Mufti Tan Sri Harussani Zakaria has also weighed in on spouses being forced to put out for each other, which is more or less equivalent to marital rape, by pointing out that there is, in fact, no such thing as marital rape.
Perak Mufti Tan Sri Harussani Zakaria said that men can always have sexual intercourse with their spouses even if the latter do not agree, saying that a Muslim woman has “no right” to reject her husband’s demand.

“Even the Prophet says even when they’re riding on the back of the camel, when the husband asks her, she must give.

“So there’s no such thing as rape in marriage. This is made by European people, why should we follow?” he told Malay Mail Online when contacted yesterday as he cited the hadith or reported teachings of Prophet Muhammad.
Excuse me, I think I just threw up in my mouth there. Apparently, the wife had a chance to avoid being raped by her husband back when her marriage was arranged for her. Okay, not really.
According to Harussani, a woman’s agreement to marry will be sought when her father gives her away to a man in marriage. Subsequently, she can only refuse her husband sex if she is menstruating, sick, or has just given birth, he said.

“Once she got married, the dowry is paid, she can’t refuse unless when she’s [on her] period,” he said, saying that the Quran clearly states that it will be “haram” or forbidden to have a sexual intercourse with a woman who is menstruating.
Naturally, having sex with a woman on her period is gross and against the rules in Islam -- so no favors for the woman there! That has nothing to do with her wishes.

You see, rape can only happen in Islam outside of marriage. He goes on to talk about consent.
While stating that husbands cannot force their wives to have sex, he said the key issue is not about getting consent, but revolves around how men can show love and create a romantic atmosphere to change their spouses’ minds to willingly agree to sexual intercourse.

“That means if the husband does not seek consent, it cannot be considered rape, but that action is considered not polite (beradab) in Islam,” he said, adding that it would not be considered “haram” or sinful, but would be “makruh” or frowned upon by Islam.
Oh dear. I think this just made me nauseous.

On the flipside, Malaysian Muslim scholar Datuk Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin gives us information about whether or not a man can remove his penis from his wife's vagina without her consent.
Datuk Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin claimed today that a Muslim husband is obliged to fulfil his wife’s sexual desires, to the point that he should not even perform coitus interruptus without consent from the wife.
He also points out that rough sex is also forbidden -- when people get hurt. I would agree, unless rough sex is what you want. You know, it all has to do with consent, something that I think could be really lost when you have a bunch of clerics telling you how to fuck.

Let me summarize this for those who want to take notes.

Perak Mufti Tan Sri Harussani Zakaria Rules For Having Sex

  • Women should never refuse sexual intercourse with men, unless:
    • they are menstruating,
    • they just gave birth,
    • they are ill,
    • they are old.
  • During fasting period, men and women should not do the horizontal dance, unless:
    • they are in optional fasting days, in which they can cancel their fast.
  • Women cannot refuse sex even then they are:
    • in a bad mood,
    • exhausted from work,
    • find their husband revolting,
    • got forced to marry their husband,
    • on a camel.
  • If the husband does not seek consent, it cannot be considered rape. It's just impolite.
  • Husbands cannot use actual physical violence to rape their wives. Apparently threats of physical harm are also not cool because they may hurt the woman's emotions.

Naturally, if you have your entire culture and religion saying you're your husband's sex toy, physical threats will likely not be necessary.

Datuk Dr Mohd Asri Zainul Abidin Rules For Having Sex

  • No rough or painful sex allowed. (This is good, at least).
  • Coitus interruptus is not allowed, such that the wife may savour the intercourse.
    • However, coitus interruptus is defined as 'the act of withdrawing the penis from the vagina before ejaculation as a form of birth control.' Think he could be confusing the man's orgasm with the woman's orgasm? I mean, the man ejaculating is not a guarantee the woman will be satisfied.
  • A husband cannot ever refuse to have sex with his wife.
  • A wife may refuse sex if the husband has an STD or if he is not providing her enough financially. (Good, I guess).

Complicated isn't it? Isn't it interesting how religions like Islam seem to be so very interested in how people screw? How about just ensuring that both parties truly want to get down? What about just two consenting adults?

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

First Islam-Approved 'Sex Shop' to Open Real Soon in Saudi Arabia

Sex shop in Paris. (source)
Do you live in Mecca, the holiest city containing the holiest site of all Islam? Want to get your rocks off but tired of the same old, same old? Well, looking for decent sex toys in this place has been next to impossible -- and likely illegal -- until now... maybe?
A sex shop will soon reportedly see the light of day in Mecca – the last place anyone would have thought possible, for an establishment of this sort.

The ‘halal’ sex shop is the brainchild of one Abdelaziz Aouragh, who announced his intentions last year, but is only now “almost” ready to open his doors. He claimed to AFP that one Saudi cleric said the idea could lead to an “improvement of the sexual relationship between husband and wife.”
Finally you can service your wife/wives with the finest of sex toys, confident that your sex life has been considered and approved of by a cleric somewhere. Now if that doesn't turn you on, I just don't know what will.

Aouragh opened a similar shop for Muslim couples in Amsterdam and its online store apparently got over 70,000 hits in the first four days of being online.

Looks like women get the short end of the stick yet again, though (pardon any unintentional puns). No vibrators will be sold at this store because it's supposed to enhance the sexual pleasure between married couples. They're not allowed by Islam.
"Our products do include items that increase feelings of sensuality and improve the atmosphere between the couple in the sexual relationship between them," Aouragh explained.
I'm guessing that by extension no dildos are allowed either. Masturbation is definitely a no-no, like in Catholicism -- which is why no Catholics masturbate -- so what good would these toys do anyway, right?

Actually, judging by the online store of the sex shop in Amsterdam El Asira -- which is, sadly, safe for work -- you get no sex toys whatsoever. I also see no condoms, dental dams, kinky nun outfits, bondage gear, yucky tasting cheap chocolates, tacky board games, edible panties, furry handcuffs etc. you would find in any normal sex shop I've seen.

The offering is pretty slim, let me tell you.

Sorry people. No sex toys to be found here.

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Sex Tips From An Ayatollah: No Eating Feces or Drinking Urine, Okay?


Hey Iranian ladies, want to know how to keep your man happy? Why not pay a fee and attend a lecture by Hossein Dehnavi? He's a cleric and “Authority on Islam” who knows just how to keep things spicy in the bedroom.

He has valuable information like if you want your son to be gay, don't wear your hijab properly! ... and other stuff.
But he is controversial — and not just because of his comments regarding sex. In one video published on YouTube, he announced, “non-Muslims have more strokes because strokes normally happen at dawn, when Muslims do their morning prayers.” In another, he asserted that “women incorrectly wearing the hejab leads to homosexuality among men,“ “bad hejab makes women ugly,” and that “people from different nationalities must never marry each other.” He has also claimed that women are generally aroused when they read the Koran chapter on Joseph. Critics point out that his advice is primarily based on anecdotal evidence and popular pre-conceptions
He also knows what kind of underwear should be worn to drive your man crazy!
Those who have pale skin should wear black underwear. And those with darker or bronze skin should wear white underwear to arouse their husbands. Make sure your husband can see your underwear.
Women should always give sex to their men -- even while on camels. In fact, he's been accused of being rather misogynist. Women are to put out for their husbands at all times. There is also no need for them to have orgasms -- that's not so important.

Yes, they should do anything for love -- but they should not do that. By 'that' the good cleric means absolutely no drinking of urine or eating feces. He realizes the temptation is truly there, but ... you just need to hold back, people!
Some people have disorders. They enjoy eating their spouse's feces during sex, or feeding it to them. Some are urine drinkers. This type of activity is haram, 100 percent forbidden. 
Well, there's some good practical advice. Actually, the concerns this fellow has about sex and the odd specifics of this video is, well, pretty odd. Funny, but pretty odd.


Sunday, 1 March 2015

NO Orthodox Masturbation! & Some Naughty Bacon

First issue of Playboy in Israel, March 2013. (source)
Let's start with the non-Orthodox masturbation. Israeli Ultra-Orthodox Jewish filmmaker (they exist?) Ori Gruder will be showcasing his new film about how his own religious community addresses masturbation -- hint: God wants this to be a wank free zone.


Now before you get too much on the Orthodox Jews' case, I'll inform you that my Traditionalist Catholic upbringing was the same way. I would have priests asking me in the confessional booth if I touched myself and reminded me that I should only touch down there when cleaning... through a cloth... not for too long.

Go listen to the interview with the filmmaker, where he's told point blank how utterly bizarre his secular Jewish (film in Hebrew) audience will find all this. This atheist finds the whole thing just as sad and pointless as my own youth where I was terrified to do what came completely naturally.
“It seems, on the paper, black on white, crazy," Gruder admits, speaking at a film studio in Tel Aviv in between edits on a new film. "Prevent spilling the sperm, just, you know, for fun, as a teenager. It’s one of the things that we are not allowed to do. It’s forbidden to spill sperm for nothing. Punishment for that is very, very strict. That is the worst thing to do from the Torah.”

Of course, reaching below the belt is a no-no in many religions. But what may surprise viewers is just how much pressure the ultra-Orthodox community is willing to put on its members to follow the commandment.

According to the film, Hasidic boys are taught not to touch themselves when they urinate. When it comes to sperm samples — in the case of Hasidic men who need to undergo chemotherapy but want to store away healthy sperm to father babies in the future — many prefer to use electrical stimulation under anesthesia so they don’t have to, you know, do it themselves.
So hilarious, so absurd, so tragic.

Let's move on, shall we? Let's make this a happy ending! Let's sing about Hot Young Jewish Girl!


This is a hilarious (albeit somewhat juvenile) song by Jake Freekin' Smith from the band The Lakes of Canada, who are from Montreal, of course!
I wanna introduce my Moses to your burnin' bush! ...

I wanna rub my matzah balls on your gefilte fish! ...

I've got some bacon, we can eat it together. Me and hot young Jewish girl, porking together! ... forever!

Hot young Jewish girl, you can circumcise me. Hot young Jewish girl, if I can part your Red Sea! ...
A description of the song on the alternative Jewish magazine Shtetl -- also based in Montreal, of course -- explains the inspiration for the song.
Jake Freekin’ Smith is a singer and songwriter for The Lakes of Canada, as well as a comedian and …a choir boy at an Orthodox synagogue in Montreal.  In Hot Young Jewish Girl he sings about checking out attractive young Jewish women at shul while standing for hours on the bima during high holiday services.
Whewf! After that first story about the video, I was concerned. Now my faith in humanity is restored and I may rest happy.

Friday, 13 February 2015

Oops! When Egyptian Government Said Less Censorship They Actually Meant MOAR CENSORSHIP!

Before and After story images from the CairoScene story about Egypt's big censorship backpedal/clarification.
In the past couple of days, Egyptian cinephiles were excited about the government promising not to nanny them so much by cutting out all the nudie bits of movies and banning things left right and centre. There was some hope. Well, cynicism was pretty high.
Initially we here at CairoScene were jumping in joy when we heard that films would no longer be censored, however reading into his statements leaves one to believe that nothing has really changed. Hopefully, there will be a noticeable difference come April, however we aren’t holding our breath and will believe it when we see Scarlett Johansson's boobs in an Egyptian cinema. 
Well it turns out the censorship board in Egypt were only fooling. There will be no Scarlett Johansson breasts bared for Egyptian movie goers. Actually, the government actually means to censor more -- the words just came out as less because I guess that helps PR or something.
Lost in translation, the Chairman of the Censorship Bureau has spent the last couple of days clarifying what he meant when he attempted to explain the implementation of the PG system. His initial announcement was misinterpreted to suggest that they would stop censoring or deleting scenes from films, however that is not the case as Abd El Sattar Fathy clarifies that “Of course, if it is a scene of explicit sex it will be removed, images of male and female genitalia as well as nudity scenes will also be removed."
Sex is bad. Penises are bad. Nudity is likely codeword for that unmentionable female pubic region, women's breasts, everyone's bums: all bad. This is pretty tragic, but there is more.
Fathy continues to hammer the message home saying that “any movie that is clearly promoting pornography, homosexuality or that is damaging Egypt’s relations with some specific countries will still be rejected,” adding that the new measure "would not prevent" deleting scenes of "atheism" or that incite "sectarian strife." That would suggest that they would have banned V for Vendetta, which was released and beloved by Egyptians during Mubarak reign, who in turn started selling the iconic masks in Tahrir during the uprising. 
Indeed, on top of all the other expected hangups with things which are, frankly, not a problem, they add that they just may need to delete scenes of atheism... whatever that is. The minister in charge got ticked off when challenged.
... who is going to protect anyone going to the movies or watching tv?
Dude, that's the whole point of a rating system! It's so that I can feel reasonably safe taking my five year old to a movie and so I'll know that it would be best he not watch Nymphomaniac II, Game of Thrones, or The Ring. Does he believe Egyptians are children? Does he think they are like a flock of dumb sheep?
The short answer to his question is yes, we do want you to cancel censorship, as we are old enough to make our own decisions and with access to the internet will watch what we want uncensored anyway. The new changes to be implemented will largely be used to prevent children from watching films not suitable to their age group.
Adult Egyptians wear their big-boy and big-girl pants. They're grown-ups who want to make up their own minds about what they can or cannot watch using rating systems as guidelines. Whatever the government is afraid of, they are stuck in another era. Egyptians are already watching what they want to on the Internet. Other than total isolation North Korea-style, there is no stopping this now.

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Nice Mangos: World's Only Pakistani Sex-Blogger

By Asit K. Ghosh Thaumaturgist (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 or GFDL], via Wikimedia Commons
Did you know that the only Pakistani sex blogger lives right here in Canada and that she's also an outspoken atheist? India.com has an excellent little interview with Toronto-based Pakistani sex blogger Eiynah (aka @NiceMangos).  It covers what it's like to be an ex-Muslim sex-blogging Pakistani woman living in Canada and also touches on the French Charlie Hebdo terrorist attacks.

Her blog, Nice Mangos, talks about Pakistani sexuality and a whole lot more about life as an ex-Muslim atheist woman.  Here's a couple of her notable responses from the interview itself.

Her opinion about why fundamentalists get so threatened by her:
I receive all kinds of unacceptable threats. Death threats, rape threats, threats of violence. I hear from people who say I’m a coward because I will not share my address with them, so they can ‘come get me’.

It doesn’t actually take much for a fundamentalist to be threatened by one’s thoughts. They probably don’t like that I am open about being an ex-Muslim, an atheist. The fact that I am an outspoken woman or that I promote a healthy sex-positive attitude. That I speak out for women’s rights in our culture, most recently it seems to be my children’s book My Chacha is Gay which has upset fundamentalists from all faiths. Homosexuality is not acceptable in most mainstream, organized religions. I urge people to move past that. To look at things with human rights and equality in mind.
What's the deal with Western liberals seemingly never being able to admit that religion is part of the problem of radical Islam?:
Honestly, I don’t know. I feel like cultural relativism plays a large part in that. For the far left, being politically correct and inclusive of ‘diversity’ has gotten to a point where they cannot even point out clear human rights violations – like the burqa, because they assume it is part of our culture. I don’t think it’s fair to assume that such misogyny is ‘part of a culture’. It should be called out, and Muslims should be held to the same moral standards as everyone else. It can actually be quite offensive to see that many liberals from other cultures think we’re not capable of being as moral and tolerant as others. If we are not held accountable, how will our communities evolve? (Read: Charlie Hebdo and the Paris Shooting: The terrorists did have a religion – it’s called Islam)
Finally she touches on what it's like being an feminist atheist in Pakistan:
I live in Canada, fortunately. This is a country where freethinking people thrive; religion doesn’t come up much in the public domain. Equality is something we strive for in Canada too, while not perfect – we are doing pretty well.  When I lived in Pakistan, I found it difficult to adjust – more difficult than growing up in Saudi Arabia actually. I don’t think I could live there with the conservative expectations most people have. Being an atheist in Pakistan has to be a very silent thing. You certainly cannot declare it publicly, because there could be grave consequences. Being a feminist in Pakistan is quite depressing, every step of the way you are reminded of the inequality between men and women.
There's much more in the interview, go check that out!

Also, check out Eiynah's blog, Nice Mangos!

NSFW: Swedish Public TV Makes Dancing Penis & Vulvae Cartoon. Reasons for Outrage Enlightening.

Snoppen och Snippan (Penis & Vagina) is meant to make children feel okay (perhaps even enthusiastic) about their genitalia.
Okay, so I'm not sure if this is NSFW or not -- I guess if you live outside of Sweden it's probably not. However, in sex-positive secular Sweden, the past week has been all about penises and vaginas in the news.

Bacillakuten appears to be a children's program on their public broadcaster SVT about health and their bodies.  Here is the rather catchy cartoon.

These are dancing erect penises and vulvae, so if you're at work, you might not want to watch... unless you work at a sexual education clinic or something!

(Isn't it interesting that I feel the need to put NSFW on a cartoon from a Swedish children's television program! Now what does this say about prudery here in North America?)


As VICE points out, there is the usual ridiculous outrage about children seeing cartoon genitalia -- which I'm sure they've discovered on their own by now -- but the real outrage really shows just how progressive Sweden really is.
Bacillakuten deals with the body and our most common physical conditions, so it's not out of character for it to talk about some organs that everyone has. But after the video was posted to SVT's Facebook page on January 8, it was immediately met by criticism on social media. Some people were obviously concerned about little kids being exposed to genitals, but others complained that the video promoted restrictive gender norms and transphobia.
Naturally, in Canada or the States, nobody would get past the fact there are evil evil genitalia dancing about. This cartoon was designed with the goal of making children feel comfortable with their genitals and perhaps alleviate the intense shame and sometimes utter revulsion some people end up developing for these parts of the body -- often religion induced. I know this first hand.

In Sweden, it seems like many have moved past this and have taken the next step by thinking about the gender stereotypes within the cartoon.
The video—which YouTube briefly slapped with an "adult" label before SVT objected—has received plenty of positive reviews for its attempt to strip away the drama and stigma from our genitals. But Swedish activists were pissed off that the video featured cis-centric lyrics like, "Pee, pee with the penis / Or the vagina if you're a girl!" ...
The show's project manager had to respond with a sort of apology.
There might be a pedagogic point to inform children that this is how it generally looks like; if you have a vagina you're regarded as a girl by others when you're born. If you have a penis you're regarded as a boy. To be on the children's side can sometimes mean to meet them in the reality they are living in. We would never stand behind a song that says that girls with penises aren't real girls or that boys with vaginas aren't real boys.
Could you imagine this happening in the United States? No, I couldn't either. VICE writer Caisa Ederyd points out in conclusion that, although the video is flawed in its non-inclusion of trans people, it still celebrates that penises and vaginas are pretty damn fun.

It truly is like they are light years ahead. According to the article, the country has had "gender-neutral" preschools since 2011! It's 2014 here in Canada and there is still a shitstorm over using gender-neutral pronouns!

So, condoms on to you, Sweden! Although this video did not meet the mark over there, even the controversy it generated is several orders of magnitude more educated and mature than anything you'll run into here in Canada.

If this is the result of one of the most secular and godless societies on earth, then more please.

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Game of Thrones is Too Much for Turkish Army

A scene from Game of Thrones
I've admitted it before. I just haven't watched any of that naughty Game of Thrones program. In above link, a Christian preacher informs us that every time we watch this program, Jesus gets recrucified, or cherubs cry, or puppies die, or something. I'm not sure how it could possibly be this good, but people assure me it really is. So as soon as I have time, I'll give it a watch.

However, there will be no nudie programs in Turkey. Well, at least in the army!
The Turkish Armed Forces (TSK) reportedly updated its secondary education regulations and added a new article to the chapter titled “the protection of students.” The new article bans the screening of productions like “Game of Thrones” on the grounds of protecting students from “sexual exploitation, pornography, exhibitionism, abuse, harassment and all negative behaviors.”
Thanks, mom. Sex and nudity scenes -- I do not believe it is hardcore -- are really too much for soldiers in training, but presumably war will be just fine. I mean, are they not being trained to kill people? These are adults -- over 20 -- we're talking about here.

Apparently, four officers were disqualified from being in the military for watching this television program in 2012. 

Turkey is an ostensibly secular nation. I've seen it often touted as the most successful secular democracy in the region. Well, it turns out that the military will be instituting new courses on Islam. Elective... for now.
The new regulations also lay ground for the introduction of elective classes on Islam in military schools for the first time. The new classes will be based on “basic religious education, the Quran and the life of the Prophet Muhammad,” the report said.
Gabriel Bell over at Vocativ sums up the bigger picture here -- an understandable fear of increased fundamentalism in this so-called secular state.
Though nominally secular, Turkey is trending ever closer to Islamic theocracy—something underlined by the Turkish Armed Forces’ recent banning of HBO’s Game of Thrones series at military schools. Their new policy aims at keeping students away from anything involving, “sexual exploitation, pornography, exhibitionism, abuse, harassment and all negative behaviors.” Granted, anyone who’s seen the show knows that Game of Thrones is categorically guilty of all the above—in a fun way. Nonetheless, the extent to which the TAF is adopting a more fundamentalist stance is worrisome.
I wonder how close the violence in this program is to the barbarism of war -- both in modern times and in the days of Muhammad?

Monday, 25 August 2014

Shocking News! Christians Watch Porn! And They Talk About It Too.

(source)
In news that should shock no one, it turns out that Christian men and women actually watch porn. Don't worry though, they feel plenty guilty about it later. The uber-conservative Washington Times brings us this interesting article.

More than half of Christian men admit to watching pornography

The subtitle on the article is, Churchgoers more likely to self-diagnose as addicts, which confused me a little before I realized that true blue Christians are likely to see any porn consumption at all as a sign of addictive behaviour. Meanwhile, your average non-Christian is unlikely to see it as an addiction unless it begins to have a negative impact on other things like relationships or their jobs.
A new study by the Barna Group shows that 54 percent of Christian men and 15 percent of Christian women admitted to viewing pornography at least once a month, compared to 65 percent of men and 30 percent of women who identified as non-Christian and said they watched porn at the same rate.
I'd be willing to bet a nickel that the true numbers are higher. I'd be willing bet a quarter that the Christian group is likely to be even closer to the non-Christian group simply because of the added stigma and pressure coming from their religion telling them how incredibly wrong it is to consume pornography.
The survey did not break down Christian men who viewed pornography by their ages. But the poll did have age groupings for all male respondents, and 79 percent between the ages of 18 and 30 said they watch pornography at least monthly, while 29 percent of them said they view it daily.
The article does do the responsible thing and admit that porn addiction is nowhere to be found in the DSM manual.
The trouble is that “pornography addiction” doesn’t exist in the professional mental health community, said Joshua Grubbs, who focuses on clinical psychology of religion and addictive behavior patterns at Case Western University.

“It’s not a diagnosis that’s recognized,” he said. “I know there are some people who believe it is a diagnosis, but it’s not recognized by the community at large.”
There is no problem here at all except for all these Christian ministries that like to call porn an addition and then sell you Bible-based cures for it.

Which brings me back to the article itself. Although it contains some interesting parts, most of the article reads like a sort of infomercial for the site that sponsored the study -- which conveniently points out a problem they have the cure for. The site in question -- which the article misspelled -- is Proven Men Ministries.
Working through the Study and combined with either a Proven Men network partner or joining a small Proven Men support group, you can win your personal battle and live a life of freedom. But don’t cut the process short or rely in your own strength.
Support Group? Indeed, here's another tidbit from the website about Joel's personal struggle with masturbation and how talking about it to a bunch of other guys and talking about the Bible really helped.
The importance of others cannot be understated. I vividly remember the first time I heard a man say that he struggled with masturbation. I was shocked that he admitted it, but I was grateful. I had thought that I would take my secret life of lust and masturbation to the grave without ever telling another person. Hearing another Christian man admit his struggles gave me strength and encouragement to one day admit my own. We encouraged each other in many ways, such as praying for each other, calling each other during the week, and sharing struggles and victories. This is what Jesus taught. He did not send out His disciples alone, but two by two (Mark 6:7; Luke 10:1).
Uh... yeah... Dudes, in couples... alone but together... talking about masturbating. Hey, not that there's anything wrong with that.

I also covered a service before to help Christians who look at the sexy videos and do that masturbation thang in previous posts. Then there's Covenant Eyes. It emails your porn habits to your wife -- which could be either very sexy or... well... not so sexy depending on how compatible you guys really are.

I don't know why I find this so hilarious, but it's hilarious.

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