Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

More Unorthodox Cake Crushing Revelations

Things have been really hectic here. I was even thinking of scaling back my posting frequency because life's been so damned busy - then I realized that that's already happened sort of organically.

Usually, when things get critical, I'm reduced to very short posts about the most unusual or fantastic stuff I run into on the web. Well, this is not exception. Prepare yourself for tabloid quality fare.

Remember that the cake fetishist Greek Orthodox priest who had an affair with his Twinkie crushing (with her bum) - who was married, and not his wife? Well, it turns out that not only were they into some kinky cake crushing, but he also asked her to have an abortion. Or so she claims.
Ethel Bouzalas told Bishop Andonios Paropoulos, the chancellor of the Greek Orthodox church in the United States, that her lover wanted her to get an abortion, according to an interview with the bishop in The National Herald, a Greek-American daily.

But Andonios said Father George Passias denied he made the abortion request and said he wasn’t sure if the unborn child was his.

Abortion is against the teachings of the Greek Orthodox Church.
Listen, there was absolutely no baby-making here! Only good wholesome thong-wearing cake smothering between to married but not with each other consenting adults. Nothing to see here! Move on!

(Image source)

Thursday, 8 October 2015

Pomegranate Breasts, Forbidden Cakes, & Twinkie Kinks

Hey so we've all probably read about Mr "pomegranate boobs" Saudi cleric who's totally obsessed with all the steaming-hot-postmortem-heaven-sex that men just like him are gonna get in heaven just as soon as they die.

Haven't watched the video?  Go grok the thing over at Hemant Mehta's blog today. It's compelling stuff.

Sheikh Yahya Al-Jana doesn't want us to blow our chances at an eternity of hymen tearing in Heaven for some quickie business with mall harlots here on earth. Unlike me, I guess he's really into first time sex, potentially causing pain and bleeding with a woman who is unlikely to know what the hell she's doing. Not my cup of tea, personally, but I suppose Al-Jana isn't interested in what I have to say anyway.

He helpfully reminds us men (probably not lesbians) that unlike pious earthly men, most women are too slutty on earth to get to heaven - or even get a wiff of all that neverending virgin sexytime smell - what with shopping, tights, makeup and EVIL SOCIAL MEDIA. Yes, Al-Jana is one special dude.

Of course, if women don't make it to heaven then the resulting spectral sausage factory would turn any good heterosexual man's heaven into an utter Hell. Such would be the case if it weren't for the hundreds of never-sag-breasted supernatural auto-regenerating-hymen astral Barbarellas he'll need to plow through every morning before breakfast for the rest of time. Basically he's gonna get laid forever, he's been thinking about this quite a bit - I can tell.

My question is: What about cakes?

I'll remind you, dear readers, of the ancient Roman cheese-filled placenta cakes they used to cook up around Saturnalia every year.

There was also the Quran-shaped cake which a bunch of Turkish Quran students baked up for a local celebration there. They cut the cake and posted it on EVIL SOCIAL MEDIA and got into big big trouble with religious authorities there.

Then there was that birthday party - complete with cake!! - that Saudis broke up! Arrests were made because there was dancing.

Then there was the Nazi penis cake.

Well, now we've got a Greek Orthodox priest, George Passias, who got busted when someone found his secret sex tape. It featured cake porn
In one scene, the bearded cleric, wearing only a white T-shirt, watches his long-haired brunette lover plant her thong-clad bottom on a piece of banana bread wrapped in cellophane.

Bouzalas, wearing stiletto heels, oddly wiggles on the loaf until it is flattened — apparently a fetish known as “cake crush” or “cake sitting.”

I'll let you check out the video if you wish. To be honest, it seems perfectly harmless and I sort of applaud their kinky sex life - it's original and looks like he's really into it.

The problem is, he might just be a bit of a hypocrite. Because he's married... not to his pastry-smothering lover, Ethel Bouzalas, but to another woman. Oh, and Ethel is married too. So, they were both sort of cheating.

Not that I even have a problem with that. If you wish to have an open marriage and get kinky with (and even impregnate) your Twinkie squishing vixen, then fine. However, I'm pretty sure this is fairly verboten in his branch of Greek Orthodox religion.
A high-ranking Greek Orthodox priest starred in kinky sex tapes with his much-younger parish-school principal and was forced to resign after the affair — which he’d denied for years — was confirmed by church elders.
Apparently, there are also allegations of misdirection of funds meant for building repairs. In my opinion this is an even more serious charge. I mean, I just cannot keep a straight face about the cake. Likewise with the pomegranates.

(Image source)

Monday, 13 October 2014

Back From Vacation!

Well, as the title suggests, I'm back from vacation! So expect a little more substance in the posts -- hopefully.

The whole family went down to apple country in southern Ontario and then on through to Toronto to spend (Canadian!) Turkey Day with my wife's sister.

On the way down and up we stopped off at The Big Apple, which is a big concrete apple on the side of the road. Yes, yes, it's no Eiffel Tower or anything but it's thrilling for a five year old boy. We climbed inside and watched a news report from the eighties all about the apple, on loop.

I also got to pick up a couple of caramel apples. Happiness.

For some bizarre reason, it is nearly impossible to find caramel apples in Quebec -- unless you want to pay $8 (!) for one in some fancy pants shoppe. Quebec is full of those apples coated with red-food-colouring sugar.

Some people don't care about the caramel apple vs. candy apple thing. These people clearly lack any semblance of nuance in their lives. THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING! CANDY APPLES ARE NOT THE SAME AS CARAMEL APPLES!

Friday, 18 July 2014

Chicago, I Have Arrived, Hungry For Your Fatty Fried Chicken & Humanism Conferences!

Food you cannot get in Montreal. Two extremely fried chicken bits, gravy with mashed potato and orange pop.
Well, after the flight, I am sat here in Starbucks over on Randolph and Wells in downtown Chicago. I am drinking a coffee to soothe and fuel my under caffeinated over fatted body. The picture above is where I was only an hour or so before eating fried chicken that is likely outlawed in Montreal due to health concerns. Delicious! My digestive system is reeling but happy nonetheless for another 6 months.

I am here, of course, for the Humanism at Work conference, which is a shortish train ride away in Rosemont... right next to the most humongous stadium-sized herbal (not the good kind) Herbalife EXTRAVAGANZA! The place is crawling with herbal health nuts. Even the Hyatt near the convention center has Herbalife branded plant holders for its shrubberies.

Enormous Herbalife conference right nextdoor!
Halleluja! RationalWiki describes Herbalife thusly:
Herbalife is a company with a multilevel marketing (MLM) business model known for selling skin care products, snack foods, and diet woo.

In 1986, the company settled a case that called into question the medical claims of some of their products and their pyramid scheme-style business model.[1] Nobel Prize-winning scientist Louis J. Ignarro was noted for creating their "Nitelife" product, which claimed to be able to increase the functioning efficiency of all the body's major organs. Ignarro's promotion of the product caused a flap when his undisclosed ties to Herbalife were revealed after he co-authored a paper hawking the product in the Proceedings of the National Academies of Science in 2004.[2][3]

In February 2013 the price of Herbalife stock dropped when "the New York Post reported the company was subject to an unspecified law-enforcement investigation." [4]
Judging by the hundreds if not thousands of people milling around the large conference centre, they're not doing so badly since this stock drop.

I saw people wearing Let me help you lose weight Herbalife tees. Yeah, I better stay inside the HAW conference because skeptics are highly outnumbered around here.

More reports from the inside!

Monday, 3 September 2012

Give us this day our daily bread...

It looks a little like something Apple would release.  Maybe
it should be re-branded the IKneel.
Today my wife drove down to the United States to partake of the consumerist madness that is Labour Day at Walmart.

We occasionally drive down for the greater variety of products - (as Canada is further north, is a smaller different market with different regulations and Quebec has the added language requirement that everything have French labels).

And let's not forget the abundant supply of high fructose corn syrup.  From what I've seen, everything in America contains high fructose corn syrup.  It's downright shocking and I can taste it in the food - everything is sweet in America.  Honestly, it's delicious but I fear that should I ever move down there I'd blow up like a balloon with the sheer abundance of low-cost deliciousness.

Friday, 18 May 2012


My Celebration Poutine from a La Belle Province in Montreal.
This is what I got when I asked for a small poutine with Pepsi.
On Valentine's Day 2008 I started this blog.  It was originally called Sexed-Up (P)a(n)theism. I have no idea, really.  Here was my original intent:

In this blog I hope to record some of my thoughts about my spiritual journey from devout traditional Roman Catholic to Pagan - Wiccan to be precise - and now finally to a Scientific Pantheist. (I'm very likely a Secular Humanist as well).

Back then I hadn't given up the whole God thing yet.  I was sort of in a pantheistic holding position, trying to get my head around Spinoza.

The blog sort of lost steam a couple of weeks later.  It then remained dormant until January 8th 2012 when I re-purposed it into an Atheist blog.  I had given up the whole God thing a couple of years earlier.  I mysteriously decided to call the blog Ἀληθῆ διηγήματα.

Strange, that name didn't seem to stick.  The name got change to My Secret Atheist Blog sometime afterwards.  I'm still not really keen on the name but at least it's clear.  The goal of the blog pretty much remains the same.

I can still remember my elation when the count reached 500 after weeks of putting stuff out there that I knew nobody  was looking at.  I never expected it to make 500 or 1000, but eventually it did. 

Well a couple of nights ago while I was queuing up the next Toopy and Binoo video (that I've already seen a two dozen times) for my 2 yr old, I saw the count cross the 10,000 mark on the statistics panel.  I didn't have any time to celebrate then but today I did by eating an honourary poutine on your behalf, dear readers.

Thank you all so much!  I can still not believe that it's 10,000.  Thanks everyone!

As I write this, the poutine still rests snugly in my stomach as a lump of gooey cheese curds, meat sauce and deep fried potato.  Perhaps if I reach 50,000 I will eat a gourmet poutine from La Banquise!  My stomach will thank me for it.

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