PLEASE BUY US THIS ARTIFICIAL HYMEN SO WE CAN BE PURE AGAIN
Yes, you read that right. If you happen to be a women who belongs to one of the crazy (primarily patriarchal) religions -- some fundamentalist Muslims, some fundamentalist Christians, creepy fathers in Colorado Springs who take their daughters to Purity Balls... etc. etc. etc. etc. never ending etc. -- that are obsessed with preserving that thin flap of skin in the vagina, then www.hymenshop.com is for you.
Restore your virginity in five minutes with this new technologically advanced product. Kiss your deep dark secret goodbye and marry in confidence for only $29.95 … no surgery … no needles … no medication … no side effects …
Spice up your sex life and bring the Va Va Voom back to the bedroom...Simulating a painful ouch moment and staining the sheets with blood! How does this miracle work?
Insert the Artificial Hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrates, it will ooze out a liquid that appears like blood, not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans and you will pass through undetectable! It's easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.Okay, not my cup of tea.
This goofy solution is to cash in on a booming hymenoplasty business within certain religious communities that put a high value on female virginity at time of marriage. In fact, some even make an intact hymen a requirement for marriage and bad things can happen if the flap of skin is missing - and it can be torn by things other than intercourse. Not that there is anything even remotely wrong with intercourse! But these religions have a problem with sex.
For religious, cultural or social reasons, it is important for many women that the hymen remains intact. The rupture of the hymen may be caused by other factors than sexual intercourse; namely: the use of tampons during menstruation, horseback riding or sports such as gymnastics. Our personal and professional values are those of respect and confidentiality.Because there's nothing more shameful that a woman who's had sex with anyone other than you! How sad and pathetic! You would think men would desire women who are experienced with sex, know what they like and are confident with their bodies and sexuality. But I fear this is the exact opposite of what is desired in these communities.
Blogger Taslima Nasreen explains the absolutely insane obsession with the hymen on her blog:
Men are crazy for hymen, a thin tiny membrane
The man who created Islam knew about the desire of men to have sex with virgins. He tempted men whoever convert to Islam with seventy two virgins. In some parts of the world a white bed sheet is put on the bed to see virgin’s blood on the first night of wedding. Women are forced to give proof of their chastity. Female ‘purity’ is an asset for patriarchy.Unfortunately their Purity, chastity, virginity, morality all are made available nowhere but in vagina. Women get divorced or tortured or even murdered if their hymens are not intact on wedding night.Incidentally, the second language listed on the site is Arabic.
Well, it's sad women need to deceive their husbands into thinking they're something they are not. But given the consequences, who can blame them? At least each package comes with two fake hymens so the woman can practice before the big night. Can you imagine how nerve wracking that must be?
I was thinking of posting a link to Madonna's Like A Virgin or Weird Al's parody Like a Surgeon, but this whole thing is just too seriously messed up to be belittled.