This week in witchcraft is brought to you by police men who lose their guns after apparently
Police officer resorts to witchcraft after ‘losing gun to stranger’
The headline to this Kenyan story, I think, proves that ironic air-quotes are truly an international phenomenon.
A senior police officer in Nyandarua County has lost his gun in unclear circumstances. The officer from Kipipiri Police Station lost the gun from his house after allegedly hosting a guest overnight.No word if this officer also happened to have a wife.
A resident, identified as Amos, said the officer had a female guest and it is not clear how the gun went missing.
Local villagers were, understandably, concerned that his pistol (by which I here mean his gun) went astray in the night. They were even more perplexed when they discovered he had employed a witch doctor to find missing firearm.
Locals were left in awe as the witchdoctor from a neighbouring country conducted his rituals, but these were just as unproductive.How astonishing. Perhaps his guest stole his gun to sell it? Perhaps she used witchcraft to spoil the witch doctor's powers. I mean, she had enough magic to bewitch the police officer, a complete stranger.
“We were shocked when the officer decided to seek the help of a witchdoctor but this also did not work,” he said.
It doesn't speak well of a senior police officer if he resorts to a witch doctor to solve a crime, does it?
If that didn't perk you up then what could be more arousing than a story about preachers raising the dead? Enter Pastor Josephat Gwajima from Tanzania.
Tanzania: 'Corpse Raising' Preacher Yet to Perform Miracle
More sarcastic air quotes, I would imagine. Unless he's succeeded since this story was posted, I would imagine that he still has yet to perform a miracle. So why is this news? Probably because someone is crazy enough to make such outlandish claims.
The Dar es Salaam based cleric, set camp here last Friday intending to preach in the City for two weeks. "There is nothing strange or weird in raising the dead, it is very clearly stated in the Bible right from the Old to the New Testament," said Mr Gwajima and revealed a testimony in which he claimed to have so far brought back to life 450 'dead' persons in his resurrection portfolio.Right, nothing odd about people raising the dead at all.
To substantiate the claims, Pastor Gwajima paraded four alleged 'zombies' on stage, people who professed to have died years ago but came back to the land of the living after being prayed for.
He ordered the 'living dead' to speak for themselves and challenged anybody who still does not believe to purchase a DVD on sale.I know it's counter productive to support fraudsters, but I would actually be rather keen to see said video. Here's one video purporting to him raising the dead, but turns out to be him just telling a story about how he raised the dead. That's not quite proof, now is it?
The good pastor says he doesn't oppose people dying but that what with all this witchcraft around causing premature deaths, his valuable service means nobody should die too early. He also ensures the interviewer that he's not really in the preaching business for the money - he just happens to have a Hummer and his own helicopter.
"My preaching is not for self-enrichment," maintained Pastor Gwajima, boasting to be the wealthiest church minister in the country, "I am the only pastor who owns helicopter," he said and to attest the fact he drove into the venue in a flashy red Hummer which was escorted by a high-end Toyota Land-cruiser VX, among other trendy vehicles.It's a miracle.