Saturday, 13 July 2013

Hmmmm... Coke, Snickers, Skittles, Potato Chips... Catholic Rosary...

A vending machine "Bet Box" that vends rosaries and other supplies.
Here's a quick one.

Ever reminisce about your old Catholic days, when you had candles, holy water, rosary beads, vampire killing wooden stake? Or alternatively, your old Wiccan days, when you had the very same things with a chalice or two on the side?  Sure you do.

I know that when I get such a hankering, I don't want to go through all that churchy stuff to get to the merch. Who does?

Well, now you can buy rosaries and arm bands(?) from a vending machine!  If you're near Hamburg, Germany that is.

World's first religious vending machine installed in church to sell holy accessories to worshippers
The rosaries, made from brown wooden beads with a metal cross, cost four euros to buy and instructions are attached explaining how to use them. 
The brand new vending machine has had a positive response from the churchgoers, who visit regularly.
And it works well for the Church too. I mean, it's tough to find priests that are either not dead and/or in legal trouble these days. With this contraption there is no need to even have a priest or mass.  Buy your merch at the church parking lot and head home to do some Hail Marys. I wonder if the machine could vend penance as well?

But surely there are only so many rosaries anyone could have. I mean, it doesn't work as a steady, sustainable source of income. Once you've got one, rosaries last practically forever. I can remember keeping my glow in the dark rosary for ages after getting it as a child.

Plastic lasts for millenia. So how could the Church really make some money off this moving forward?

A candy necklace turned into a rosary.

After your penance, you're sins are forgiven and you deserve a few extra calories. Eat rosary, buy rosary, eat rosary, repeat.

All this is jest of course. All the proceeds are not going directly to the Church, but rather the church's children's camp.
'All the money raised will go to our church camp for children, and if it leads to a small prayer here and there, that is even better.'
But even church camps can be pretty darn bad.

You know, these days, I believe a condom vending machine is infinitely more useful than one of these guys. I mean, which is more likely to lead to a good time and prevent unwanted pregnancy?

Well... I suppose, in the end,  both may prevent unwanted pregnancy...

Children standing in front of the Kasese Humanist Primary School.On an unrelated note, here is my current fundraiser for helping the Kasese Humanist School in Uganda build new classrooms. 

Please consider donating!


  1. Thanks for making me laugh. This is just great for all atheists that have to pretend to go to church. I actually had a double take when I first saw the picture I thought it was a condom machine with a rosary on it.

  2. GodlessPoutine14 July 2013 at 21:44

    Thanks! Glad you like it!


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